Texas Women, Kittens and Biscuits
Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most
awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless
her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless her heart, if they put her
brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a 6-lane
I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was
telling about her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because
her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My
friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about
those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this
woman had CHOSEN to move to Texas a couple of years ago.
"Can you believe it?" said her friend, "A child of mine is
going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."
Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from
the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their
friendships, and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've
even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread
down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!
I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks
it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor
or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to
do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over
yonder" is, or what "I reckon" means!
My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart,
she cain't help being ugly, but she could'uh stayed home."
Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.
Texas girls always say:
1. "Yes Maam."
Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Yawl come back."
2. "Well, bless yer harrt."
3. "Drop by when ya can."
4. "How's yer mama?"
5. "Love yer hair."
Texas girls know their three R's:
Texas girls know everybody's first name:
Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"
Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates
G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas !
Now you run along, Shuger, and send this to ANY females
aspiring to be GRITS--Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".
"Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan.
After all, if a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't
make them biscuits."